How to buy a present?
A man walked into a department store and told an assistant he'd like to buy a present for his wife.
"Certainly, sir," replied the assistant.
"Perhaps a dress or a blouse?"
"Anything," said the man.
"And in what colour?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Size?"
"Immaterial."
Seeing the assistant's confusion, the man explained that whenever he bought his wife something she would always take it back to the shop and exchange it.
Why my mom learnt to play clarinet?
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday.a few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
"Oh, we returned the piano." said my dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead."
"How come?" I asked.
"Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."
The neighbors can not see you
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.
"Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath."
"Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."
How to live?
"Darling," said the young man to his new bride.
"Now that we are married, do you think you will be
able to live on my modest income?"
"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she answered. "But
what will you live on?"
History lesson
Teacher: What happened in 1809 ?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: What happende in 1819 ?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was ten years old.